Grebs, emos and chavs are just tip of iceberg

11:21am Monday 10th March 2008

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FOR a moment I thought I had Vicky Pollard in the back of my car.

"She got whacked because she was standing by some chavs and then she went to the grebs and ran down the corridor shouting 'The chavs are coming!' and the teacher grabbed her and she got a denny."

For any parents whose children are cocooned in the safe, sane environment of primary school - which compared with secondary school is like an extension of the mother's womb - be prepared.

The above is the language of year seven onwards.

These words came from the mouth of my lovely, gentle, nicely-spoken daughter who, only a few months ago, wouldn't have known what a greb was.

I certainly didn't know, so I asked her. "It's a cross between an emo and a skater," she said. Not knowing what either of those was, I remained in the dark.

"Oh, mum," she huffed, "An emo is a Goth-type with dyed black hair that hangs over the eyes, black clothes and slit hands, and a skater is a skateboarder with long hair who wears Freespirit, Animal, Quicksilver and BMX."

The startling image of slit hands had me worried. My daughter casually explained that "they just cut themselves with knives to make a scar". That reassured me.

Grebs also, apparently, like to go around hugging people. "The grebs got me today," squealed my daughter's friend. "They hugged me outside G-block."

Chavs I had heard of, and was interested to hear my daughter's definition. "They have cheap bling and tilted baseball caps and tuck their trousers into their socks. They wear Berghaus and Timberland."

Oh dear, I've just bought my husband some Timberland boots, and I always thought Berghaus quite mainstream.

At primary school, my daughter would never have used the word bling', nor known what it meant.

Grebs, emos and chavs are just the tip of the iceberg - there are geeks, nerds (there is a distinction, they both love computers, maths and science, but the geek isn't as bright "the geek is more embarrassing", my daughter explained) swots, snobs and good-goodies.

Children pigeonhole each other from an early age - everyone is classified, everyone has a tag.

It's nothing new. When I was at school in the north-east, the equivalent of today's chavs were known as sackies'.

Children were defined as sacky' not only by what they wore, but where they lived. Thirty years on, that still applies.

I'm not pretending that stereotyping is absent at primary school - my youngest daughter recently came home refusing to wear her warm tracksuit top because she's been teased about the chavvy' Lonsdale logo. But it is in secondary school where it really kicks in.

For parents, keeping up is not easy.

Sometimes, listening to your children talking to their friends is like a foreign language.

I keep getting brochures for adult education classes at my daughter's school.

Instead of French, German and Spanish, I think a class on playground lingo, with all the different image definitions, would go down a storm.

Oh, and by the way, a denny' is detention. And don't go dissin' me.